This is uh merlot

3 Aug

This short piece was sparked by a piece in the NY Times re: rules for drinking kinda = rules for writing. Enjoy!

Come on down here, boy. Your mom doesn’t know about this, right? I mean, I know you wouldn’t tell her, but you didn’t tell her anything, did you? Awright, good. I know you’ve been down here before, but I bet you’ve never done what we’re about to do. Yeah, you like all them glasses all set up in a straight line like that. I did that, you know. Did it for you. Now that you’re 20, there are some things about the world you should get to know. Things I wish I had known. Come on, boy, don’t be shy now. I know when I was your age, I would have been dyin for my paw to do this for me. Take a seat. This ain’t no trap. So you’re prolly wonderin why I got all these wine glasses all splayed out for you like this. No, don’t look over your shoulder. This ain’t no trap, son. I’m here to teach you this. That’s why yer maw and I had you, so I could teach you stuff. Don’t lean back on the stool like that. Come on, now! Focus, just for this minute so I can teach about somethin. This here is a small taste of some of the finest stuff I ever tasted in my forty-seven years on this planet. Here you go, take a sip uh this first one. This is what they call pinot noir. You taste anything? Anything besides the alcohol? Come on, son, I know you know what alcohol tastes like. What else do you and your friends do in that little poetry club on friday nights? Don’t get nauseous over it. Here, set it down. Let me show you how to drink somethin. Sheesh. How to appreciate somethin for once. Watch me and do like I do. You see, you gotta let it sit in your mouth like this, gotta let it kinda seep into the little cracks between your teeth, and let it kinda settle onto the little bumps on your tongue. And you gotta feel it. You gotta pretend like your staring at it, but with your taste buds. You know. Like the way you looked at that paintin for a godforsaken 12 minutes or somethin. Only this time, its softer. Gentler, even. Like your kissin a girl for the first time. Like the most intense peck on the lips you’ve ever given a girl. Why are you staring like that? Huh? Don’t tell me. Just keep drinking, keep savoring. Savor it now, before it all comes to you like a sack of bricks. You don’t want no more. Fine, I’ll finish it. Boy, that’s some uh some good stuff right there. Tell you what. Awright, what could be next? You’re prolly sayin it to yourself right now. Well I’ll uh I’ll um tell ya awright. This here’s a smidgen of what they call a Chiraz. Yeah, I know it sounds all fanciful and uh gay-like and whatnot. But hey, it’s uh good one. Try it. Don’t be afraid, boy! I mean. This ain’t no trap. Just take a sip like I taught you. Just do it already! Sometimes I wonder. You taste any difference? Why you––why you lookin at me like that? You want me to finish it, don’t you. Gawd, give it here. You’re not doin this right. See how I do. Like that. You gotta hold it in a little and then let it go down, kinda like a cigarette but opposite. Well. You, you know what I mean, right, son? Don’t go tellin your maw that I’m a smoker or nothin like that. I’m not. I was. But no. No more. Well, can you keep a secret? Huh, son? Can you––can ya keep a small little ole secret? Just between paw and son? Awright I trust you. Remember that. Oh no, never-mind. I ain’t drunk enough to not notice you lookin back over your shoulder every now and then. Aww hell, let’s just get on to my favorite. This one’s a Merlot. I remember it cuz uh how it sounds like mellow. And it always did. Always mellowed me out. You don’t even want a sip, do you? Not even a little? Boy what is wrong with you? Can’t you see I’m tryin to teach you somethin? But I guess I see. I’ll just drink this all by myself. Hey. Hey you. You wanna, you uh, you wanna know somethin. Another secret? I’ve only really been in love once. Yeah, man. It was special. One uh them dark nights in Lexington. Walkin out of a fiction reading with a bottle uh this good ole stuff lodged right here in my gut. And I pissed in the alley between the place and this other place. I was the kind uh drunk where you think you know that everyone knows exactly what you’re doin. But you don’t care. Not in a rebellious-like way or anythin, just like acceptive. Mellow. You know. Hold on, there’s something I’m tryin to teach you. Anyway, where was I? I was uh. Oh yeah, I was pissin on the side of this building and, uh, so there was this chick. She saw me. And she just stood there, watchin me. And I got that feel in that, well you know, that someone was uh watchin or somethin. So I turned around. My dick in my hand, still feelin mellow as hell. And there we were, with a steady stream of piss flowing from me toward her. And then, I guess I. I don’t know what happened. I was still pissin there, you know, and uh she just proceeded to look at me straight in the eyes as I. As I pissed at her. And you know what she did. Do you know what she did, son? Huh? She just grinned at me. Ahhh, a grin I will never forget. She just grinned at me and clicked her heels on down the street. A moment that felt like a sweaty lifetime. That’s love, son. This is uh merlot.

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