Ready for a New School Year

22 Aug

People have finally returned to college campuses across America. After days of watching selfish parents imped the roadways so their little girl could walk 100 fewer feet just to move in all their designer clothes and overpriced electronics I have settled into my on campus excuse for an apartment. The rush parties start up, where Freshmen are either mesmerized or underwhelmed by the college experience. Everyone is excited to see forgot friends and classes are starting for some, while others try to stay in a perpetual state of inhibition. This is how it all begins.

The Memphis heat fries my slowed brain as I stare into the crowd of new faces and voices, people playing quarters or flirting with one another. I feel more alone at this party than I have in weeks. Who are these people, what do we even have in common? Breathing oxygen and drinking beer. No, I kid myself, these people are just like me, except they know how to mingle and talk to randos (The lingua franca of sorority sisters) . I don’t even attempt it. I go outside to smoke a menthol, talk to a few more people I know and realize that this is all a mistake. The whole three years, this is how my senior year begins and it is not me enjoying myself. Instead it is just me throwing up in the midst of strangers who words of carrying are as empty as my stomach. If only I had just stuck to boring night with people I actually knew, watched a movie and drank wine – then I would not have fallen into this void of college cliches.

So I continue to unpack, make a schedule, buy my super cheap used text books through Amazon, clean the wound of my bleeding finger and sip some green tea. I wonder why it is so hard to find and do things that bring us happiness or participate in activities that won’t alienate ourselves?? Ideally we should all try to live and have lives where we optimized the amount of pleasure we have. Sounds a bit Hedonistic, but that is the way I see things. Eat tasty food, work a interesting and fulfilling job for a good salary, find a lover who actually cares about who we are, just doing things we enjoy. Isn’t that the ideal for most of us? Alas, finding those things in life is the constant struggle, it is a continuous battle. Maybe we can all find harmony in something communal or interesting in the future, slowly life falls into place and I am just gonna have to live with it all, even if I am sorta like a cyclops. (Not the one from X-men, but the one who gets beat by Odysseus).

I reach for a pencil to sketch a dragon fighting an eagle when BAAAMMM. Something falls outside my room. But in my state of drunken paranoia I am only aware of unspecific noise. Is that Orbal Redenbacher making me a might night snack? I had wished, instead it was my roommates brother moving into the vacant room that was intended for Josh. Oh Josh the anti-thesis of me. With your planned out medical future for the next 4-12 years. While I have no planned out future because they have not invented a grad. school for the constantly bored and lost.

Hopefully this less than auspicious start for the year is not a premonition of bad times to come, but bodes well for the future I can make for myself. Hopefully people won’t get bogged down by booze and partying not to actualize a reality that they really want.

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